


Haikyuu!! Battle of the Bands

by killu0tine



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Battle of the Bands, Gen, M/M, They're All Gay, it's a good time, my music taste is still god tier, they all go off the wall, this is so fucking bad i am sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:47:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23574877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killu0tine/pseuds/killu0tine
Summary: Get ready for an event that is MORE INTERESTING THAN THE INTERHIGH MATCH AND THE SHIRATORIZAWA MATCH COMBINED!!! This time, the theatrics are amped up to IMPOSSIBLE LEVELS! Oikawa is TOO HOT FOR TV! And it's all to the soundtrack of music I and angry cishet boys listen to! And also Charli XCX. If any lawsuits ensue from this I'm not listening because I'm a believer in copyright abolition
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	Haikyuu!! Battle of the Bands

**Author's Note:**

> I had the alien ant farm cover of smooth criminal stuck in my head the entire day and somehow it lead to this. Lmk your thoughts down below. Love u all x x

Yamaguchi ran up to Tsukishima with a yellow flyer in his hand.

"Tsukki! Tsukki!" he jumped.

"God, Yamaguchi, _shut up._ What is it?" Tsukishima's voice softened at the last split second.

"We should so try out for this." Yamaguchi's voice shook from excitement.

**BATTLE OF THE BANDS**

**BE THERE OR MISS IT FOREVER...**

**SHIRATORIZAWA AUDITORIUM**

**MAY 21ST 9PM AND LATER  
APPLICATIONS DUE MAY 1ST  
REACH OUT TO SEMI (XXX-XXX-XXXX)**

"Bougie ass, trust fund baby, prissy Shiratorizawa is hosting that? Don't make me laugh." Tsukishima scoffed.  
"No, Yamaguchi. We are not doing that."

"You go hard on drums like you're Zach fucking Hill. You don't give yourself enough credit." he whined.

"Fine. But only because I want to do something completely fucking stupid. I want to go apeshit. And you're the only person I'd do it with."

Yamaguchi's face flushed pink.

"So, like, what?" he asked.

Four days of tirelessly practicing the Alien Ant Farm cover of "Smooth Criminal" later, Yamaguchi sat down in front of the TV in Tsukishima's basement, electric guitar still in his arms.

"Tsukki," he began, "does Battle of the Bands allow covers of songs? Or covers of covers of songs." 

"Considering half the people who do it are shitty quasi-Nirvana ripoffs, I would say it doesn't really matter." said Tsukishima.

Tadashi did not answer, and instead plugged Semi's number into his phone, texting him that they were Definitely competing.

~~

The day of the Shiratorizawa Battle of the Bands, the air was thick with tension, almost suffocating. 

Tsukishima had begrudgingly accepted a ride from Akiteru, who "promised he would not act like he was related to him" (his words, not mine). Shiratorizawa was on the other side of the city, and he couldn't take a drum set on public transit.

"YOOOOOOO!" a loud voice resounded from the side door. 

Other people were making their way in, presumptuously also getting ready to ROCK!!!!

There was also a television crew, so make of that what you will.

They walked in, and Yamaguchi's anxiety heightened.

"Yamaguchi," Tsukishima could read his mind, "you're sexy. You'll do fine."

A smile played out on his lips, feeling more comfortable now. It's not like they were going first.

There were also schools from out of town. Soon, Nekoma, Fukurodani, and Johzenji students (most of whom they KNEW) were also flooding the backstage area.

It was all really overwhelming, and Yamaguchi and Tsukishima both wanted to disappear, the former out of embarrassment, the latter out of... well... also embarrassment.

Several of their teammates were there, and this was being broadcast on local television. This was a mess if there ever was one.

Semi jumped onstage, full of energy and probably way too much iced coffee.

"WHO'S READY TO GET PUMPED THE FUCK UP?" he shouted.

"YEAH!!!!!!" the crowd cheered. Didn't exactly answer his question, but it was satisfying enough.

"Now introducing... The Homicidal Butt Rockets!!!" he called up a bunch of ninth graders no one knew or cared about.

The first few songs of the night were underwhelming, to say the least. They mostly sounded like if the Kidz Bop kids were forced at gunpoint to do Korn songs.

Then a real kicker came. Oikawa. In assless pleather chaps. Dancing to a mashup of Vroom Vroom by Charli XCX, So What by LOONA and Savage by Megan Thee Stallion.

"I can't tell if he just set the LGBTQ rights movement back 50 years," Kenma said to Kuroo in the audience, "or if he kicked it 50 years into the future."

"New tiktok challenge." Kuroo was typing in on snapchat.

Three rows down, Hinata said, "Kageyama, I think Oikawa just flashed his asshole to the entire world."

Kageyama was absolutely speechless.

"Hinata." he stated. "You really need to stop dragging me to these places. But it's okay if it's you. I guess."

"OIKAWA! YOU HAVE NO ASS." Tendou shouted from the judges' table.

Oikawa flipped him off and continued to dance. Or... well... writhe on the floor like he was doing a sexy version of the worm.

After that nightmarish ten minute fever dream, there were a couple more shit nu metal covers.

Then, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were up to do, surprise surprise, a shit nu metal cover.

"EveryPONY!! Welcome to the stage... Alien Cum Farm!" Semi had to hold back a laugh.

"Why couldn't we have done something by Death Grips?" Tsukishima was exasperated.

"As much as I like them, most of their music is a lot more than drums and a guitar." Yamaguchi, the music production expert, reminded him.

Now let me tell you, they SHREDDED that song. The whole audience, which during most of the show looked like they needed 5 different types of ADHD meds to stay awake, was out of their seats. Someone from Seijoh got drunk and puked all over some kid, a girl from Shiratorizawa threw a chair at someone and ended up having to call an ambulance in the middle of their performance, and Iwaizumi was beating the shit out of Oikawa. Or maybe they were making out.

It was like an incel's high school wet dream. The feeling that you were the centre of the universe, so out of reach and yet so adored, was euphoric. Unfortunately, it was also the most destructive of addictions and in a way Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were glad this was only for a night. They could live without fame.

After the song ended, the novelty wore off and they went back to being normal. 

They walked off stage, and Yamaguchi kissed Tsukishima in a storage closet. Living in secret was fun, and kept people guessing.

Soon after, Kunimi and Kindaichi interrupted some unfortunate middle school NIN imitators to proclaim,   
"Oikawa ratfucked us out of the Battle of the Bands."

Oikawa stood up. "Maybe I did, and maybe it's because you guys sucked! I know for a fact that performing Gangnam Style in stupid pimp outfits isn't going to get you chicks, and I'm GAY."

Kunimi decked him bare handed. "Listen, slut! I'm gay too! Kindaichi is straight, but like, I respect him for who he is. But we were doing that ironically, fuckhead!"

Oikawa smirked. "It doesn't matter either way. I'm the Beyonce of the Seijoh volleyball team, Iwaizumi is Jay-Z, and the rest of you are Kelly and Michelle."

Iwaizumi spoke up out of nowhere. "That's mean, Oikawa. I'd never cheat on you."

"But seriously, you're being fucking annoying. Shut up before you're the second person who ends up in the hospital tonight." he continued.

"Iwa-chan, I showed my bare ass to several families across the nation tonight, and this is how you repay me?"

Needless to say, Oikawa's prolonged shenanigans pretty much ended the show right there.

"AND, according to our lovely judges Tendou, Shirabu, and myself, Ushijima couldn't make it because he had a *ahem* wardrobe malfunction in his pants. And no, that's not pee. The winner of the Battle of the Bands is..."

"None of you bitches! That's who!"


End file.
